So I am kind of in a shitty mood. And I don't know why but I have felt like this every evening for the past week. My boyfriend is always at work in the evenings, my friends are away, busy or I can't get to them (because I can't drive), my parents are out every single night and my brother just hides in his room ignoring me. So basically I spend every night alone and it sucks. Either no one wants to spend time with me or they are too busy. But either way the outcome is the same. I'm alone. Not just alone but lonely. I don't always have someone to talk to hence why I am writing about it instead. Because for some reason it always makes me feel better to get it out onto words. Even if I don't get comments or responses. Because that was never what my blog was about. It was about writing how I feel. For me.
Lately life feels a bit like an emotional rollercoaster. I am either extremely happy and in a good mood or I am miserable and feel close to crying. I have had some amazing times lately, like being in love for the first time, making new friends and finally finishing school. And there have also been some not so great times, constantly arguing with my parents, my mum basically acting like i'm a stranger, refusing to let me grow up, having a shitty boss at work, being close to failing one of my exams which I only barely need to pass to get into university and a few medical issues which I don't really feel like talking about. Though those issues may be why I feel so weird lately because I was told I would get mood swings for a few weeks. And no I am not pregnant if that is what you are thinking.
It is hard to distract myself when I am alone when I know I need to revise. Because lets face it. Revision is boring so people's minds drift a lot which is the whole reason I stopped to blog instead. I was so distracted by my thoughts that I started writing something completely different than I was meant to so I gave up. For now.
So what was I distracted by? Well my idiot boyfriend basically dragged me off the sofa and I ended up hurting my whole side because I landed on hard wooden floor which hard objects beneath me and a 24 year old on top of me. Not to mention it was the side where I have a lot of previous injuries. So now my whole side hurts and aches. And because I have a stupid built up tolerance to pain meds I have to take this ridiculously strong one which is only a step down from the ones you get given after surgeries. And my body is still hurting because they take ages to work. Anyway the reason my mind keeps drifting off afterwards was because he was starting to act like a bit of a dick to me afterwards like I was the one who did something wrong. He just said he was tired and annoyed that he had to go to work but something felt off. Plus I was annoyed at him for causing me to be in pain when I need to revise and he didn't seem to even care he hurt me. Coming from the guy who always looks so sad when I'm a clutz who accidentally hurt herself or if he accidentally steps on me or something. It is just weird because we didn't even argue or anything but we have never fought before. And I don't know why I am so annoyed at him.
Then of course when you start thinking about one shitty thing when alone your mind wonders to other things. Mostly I then thought about how he left me to go to work. And then my parents decided to go out. Again. So it was another night alone. I am just so fed up of having no one to spend time with and always being alone to cook myself dinner, find myself something to do and then going to bed alone yet again. This has been going on for ages now but this week has been particularly bad. I can't remember the last family dinner I had, or a night out with friends, or a dinner date. It is just me and my idiot cat who keeps sitting on all my text books.
So anyway, that is my random rambling rant.
- Random Girl xx
Showing posts with label alone. Show all posts
Showing posts with label alone. Show all posts
Sunday, 5 June 2016
Friday, 3 June 2016
End of School Update
Hi. Sorry it has been so long. Life has been busy. Same excuse as usual. School is finishing up which meant a lot of events and exams going on. So what have you missed?
Well I am not sure when the last time I posted was but here is a few key things. I had my last day of school ever. Everyone dresses up in school uniform which are tight and uncomfortable as they haven't been worn in two years. We wreck havoc at the school, bringing in 7 tonnes of sand with us. Why? Well if we can't go to the beach then why not bring the beach to us? Though our paddling pools don't quite beat the ocean. But its okay, we brought water guns to cool us off. Also filled out teachers office with balloons filled with glitter, post noted the windows, stole out teacher's shoes to invent a treasure hunt for her etc. This was followed by a presentation of our life at sixth form. Of course, I wasn't mentioned. Because why would I be? I'm basically a nobody. I went from being someone well known and friends with not only the nerds but also with the popular crowd, to a year where no one knew or cared who I was. Then there was a long boring ceremony thing which is kind of like a graduation only much lamer. I mean why don't we get a cap and gown like on TV? Or a diploma type thing. No we just get a boring speech about what we have learnt over the last few years.
So other than this, I have been mostly revising for exams. Sad, I know. Good news is that in three weeks its over. Bad news is that it means I actually have to take these last few exams soon. The hard ones which basically determine my future forever. Or at least for the next few years.
On a happier note, I did get to go out one night with two of my best friends who I hadn't seen since Christmas. They got to meet my boyfriend and I got to meet one of their boyfriends. So the two couples and the two thirds wheels all went out to surprise another one of my best friends for her birthday. She had no idea we are coming. Sounds like a great night, right? Well I still enjoyed it despite my friend taking cocaine, another friend getting harassed by these two guys, and my boyfriend nearly getting into a fight. Twice. So we gave up before things got worse and left early to end the night eating nachos. What better way to end the night than with your drunken best friends eating cheesy goodness.
So now what? Well I am leaving soon to go travelling for a month. I'm a little sad to leave my boyfriend but I am getting more excited about it now. I keep forgetting its actually happening because there has been so many other things to focus on before that happens. I had a nightmare last night though about it. I dreamt that I forgot important things and something went wrong with the flight. I always have weird dreams about all the possible things that could go wrong before something big happens. Like start of exams, first day of school, driving tests, holidays etc. So I am not really worried about the dream because nothing usually ever goes wrong.
Today I am kind of in a bad mood though. I was really happy and excited when I woke up. Was going to have a break from revision and see my best friend and then my boyfriend. Then they both cancelled and despite it being a really nice day I have no one to spend it with so I don't see the point in even getting dressed. (Don't worry I still showered.) It just made me realise I don't have any friends here at the moment. I couldn't think of anyone to meet up with because they are either busy revising or away at uni or somewhere. I can't wait for them to all come home. Because right now I am alone an it sucks. The only reason why I remembered to blog today was because I have no one to talk to so I decided to talk to strangers instead.
One last thing. Thank you to everyone who has been reading my blog whilst I haven't been posting. Normally I come back to 0 views for weeks but I have had people reading it every day which is pretty much a miracle to me. As summer approaches I will hopefully be able to post more about my summer and my trip.
So there is a little update for you all :)
-Random Girl xx
Well I am not sure when the last time I posted was but here is a few key things. I had my last day of school ever. Everyone dresses up in school uniform which are tight and uncomfortable as they haven't been worn in two years. We wreck havoc at the school, bringing in 7 tonnes of sand with us. Why? Well if we can't go to the beach then why not bring the beach to us? Though our paddling pools don't quite beat the ocean. But its okay, we brought water guns to cool us off. Also filled out teachers office with balloons filled with glitter, post noted the windows, stole out teacher's shoes to invent a treasure hunt for her etc. This was followed by a presentation of our life at sixth form. Of course, I wasn't mentioned. Because why would I be? I'm basically a nobody. I went from being someone well known and friends with not only the nerds but also with the popular crowd, to a year where no one knew or cared who I was. Then there was a long boring ceremony thing which is kind of like a graduation only much lamer. I mean why don't we get a cap and gown like on TV? Or a diploma type thing. No we just get a boring speech about what we have learnt over the last few years.
So other than this, I have been mostly revising for exams. Sad, I know. Good news is that in three weeks its over. Bad news is that it means I actually have to take these last few exams soon. The hard ones which basically determine my future forever. Or at least for the next few years.
On a happier note, I did get to go out one night with two of my best friends who I hadn't seen since Christmas. They got to meet my boyfriend and I got to meet one of their boyfriends. So the two couples and the two thirds wheels all went out to surprise another one of my best friends for her birthday. She had no idea we are coming. Sounds like a great night, right? Well I still enjoyed it despite my friend taking cocaine, another friend getting harassed by these two guys, and my boyfriend nearly getting into a fight. Twice. So we gave up before things got worse and left early to end the night eating nachos. What better way to end the night than with your drunken best friends eating cheesy goodness.
So now what? Well I am leaving soon to go travelling for a month. I'm a little sad to leave my boyfriend but I am getting more excited about it now. I keep forgetting its actually happening because there has been so many other things to focus on before that happens. I had a nightmare last night though about it. I dreamt that I forgot important things and something went wrong with the flight. I always have weird dreams about all the possible things that could go wrong before something big happens. Like start of exams, first day of school, driving tests, holidays etc. So I am not really worried about the dream because nothing usually ever goes wrong.
Today I am kind of in a bad mood though. I was really happy and excited when I woke up. Was going to have a break from revision and see my best friend and then my boyfriend. Then they both cancelled and despite it being a really nice day I have no one to spend it with so I don't see the point in even getting dressed. (Don't worry I still showered.) It just made me realise I don't have any friends here at the moment. I couldn't think of anyone to meet up with because they are either busy revising or away at uni or somewhere. I can't wait for them to all come home. Because right now I am alone an it sucks. The only reason why I remembered to blog today was because I have no one to talk to so I decided to talk to strangers instead.
One last thing. Thank you to everyone who has been reading my blog whilst I haven't been posting. Normally I come back to 0 views for weeks but I have had people reading it every day which is pretty much a miracle to me. As summer approaches I will hopefully be able to post more about my summer and my trip.
So there is a little update for you all :)
-Random Girl xx
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