My Start to 2017

Ready for some random rambling? Cause that is about all I have for you guys right now. So this year was meant to be the year where everything got better but that hasn't really worked out great. I started the year completely broke. Then I failed my driving test. And an hour after that my grandma died. Sucks right?

Death is a weird thing to process and understand. Other than my kitten Pepi dying when I was 12 I haven't really experienced what it is like for someone I love to die. My grandma and I weren't very close though. Which makes it even harder for me to understand how to feel.

Why weren't we close? Well it all has to do with the bad luck of being born 5 days after my cousin Francis. She is the daughter my grandma's only daughter. And my dad was the middle child to make things even worse. So there was always some sort of favouritism towards her. I actually think I wrote a post about it around last easter or the easter before that. So in the end its not really that we didn't love each other. She just loved my cousin more.

And now she is gone. No more conversations about what I am doing with my life. No more losing at scrabble against her. No more her. It is strange to think someone you have known your whole life is just gone. Forever. And as horrible as it was sometimes I will miss her. Next week I am going to her house for the funeral and I am pretty sure it will hit me much harder that she is not alive anymore. The only good thing really is that she is hopefully more at peace than she was at 97 years old. She lived her life and now it is time for her to move on.

So what else? Well I go back to uni now. Like literally now I am writing this as I travel 6 hours up country on the train. The first 40 minutes of the train was awful. My boyfriend once again dropped me off at the station to say goodbye. Again. I am so fed up of goodbyes. But hopefully he will be in Oxford next year. And he is coming up for my birthday soon.

Speaking of my birthday. On February 25th 2017 I am no longer a teenager as I turn 20. So what does that mean for this blog? I have no idea. I never thought I would be writing on here for this long. So what does Random Girl do when her blog is about being a teenager? Maybe I should start a new one. No idea what to call it though. And then I would have to start all over again. Or I could change the title? If anyone has any suggestions that would be great.

Maybe this year I will actually keep my promise to myself about writing more. So the countdown to the end of my teenage years in on. Let me know what you think.

- Random Girl x

Family Favouritism

I freaking hate it here. Being at my grandmas sucks! And the only thing worse is that my cousin is here too. Frances and I have been competing for my grandmas attention our entire lives before we even knew it. It's not us that are actually competing. It's my grandmas favourtism that causes all the problems. It all began because the two of us are 5 days apart. And even as babies, my grandma had a favourite. And in case you hadn't noticed it's not me.

I heard a story that once my grandma and my mum went shopping. We had just arrived from Sailing in the Carribbean and I had no coats or jackets to keep me warm for the chilly British weather. By the way this was when I was about 2 years old. And every nice thing my mum found, my grandma took off her and said she was giving it to Frances. Who didn't need it by the way. Another time my grandma bought Frances a cute little onesie when we were babies and you know what I got? A devil costume. Literally. 

Ever since, without trying we have been I a competition for who has the best life. All I have heard for years from my grandma is-

"Frances is soo talented"

"Have you heard that Frances got excellent Grades"

"Frances did this amazing thing that one time" 

And blah blah blah.....

She constantly compared the two of us. And she never, ever talks about any of my accomplishments. Ever! Any time I try to tell her she just starts talking about Frances. It's horrible because I know I should be nice about my grandma as she is very old (97) and won't live much longer. But I'm just soo miserable here and it's only been an hour. I already feel like I wanna cry, and all I want to do is go home. I have no one to talk about this with either. 

My grandma also hasn't given me anything at all in 5 years. Do you know what she has given Frances in the last few weeks? A plane ticket, train tickets, paying her to visit, her university fees and a couple thousand pound piano!! I mean it's not about the money. It would just be nice to know that my grandma cared at all.. I mean even a card would have been nice! 

So let's hope I survive this stupid visit and hope that my grandma doesn't make too many comparisons between our lives. wish me luck! Can't wait for it to be over!

- Random Girl xx