Not Enough Time..

Hello internet people! So work has taken over my life!!! I hate it. It is all I do, all I think about, all I talk about, even all I dream about. I don't know how people do this full time. I mean I get doing a job you love or is part of your career, but full time waitressing sucks. (At least for me. Please don't be offended if you do this full time, it is just my opinion.) My bosses suck. I have barely seen my boyfriend these past few days. Yesterday I finished at five and he started at six. And then today I am working from 2 until close (around 11) and he was meant to come in at five to join me. You know what my bosses did? Changed his shift so he was sent to another pub to fill in for someone for the day. And then tomorrow he is working and I'm free and then Sunday I am working and he is free. Life sucks. It's not just about not spending enough time with him though. One of the assistant managers is really getting on my nerves. And I live in a touristy area which is full of snobbish rich tourists during the holidays who come to the pub I work at and make my life a living hell. They are so specific about everything they want and complain if they are not the top priority. They think we are all beneath them and look down at us as if we were their slaves. I just want them to go back to their mansions and boss around their own slaves instead of substituting them for us. 

The other bane in my life is school. Exams are coming and that means revision. What an evil word. So when I'm not running around like a lost sheep, slaving away at snobbish tourists, I have my head stuck in a text book. And then my family complain I don't spend enough time with them and I complain I don't spend enough time with my boyfriend. Basically I don't have enough time to work, revise, spend time with family or my boyfriend. There just isn't time. And I can feel myself getting exhausted juggling it all. 

Life sucks.

-Random Girl xx

4am

So it's 4 am and I am wide awake. Why? Well I'm not really sure. Maybe it has to do with the fact that my whole body hurts from carrying massive trays for hours from the last two days at work. Every muscle in my body hurts. I also keep having nightmares about too many glasses to clean, missing cutlery and food orders going wrong. Clearly work has been too stressful or I have been there too much because it's even taken over my dreams. Which sucks cause I hate work. Not the concept of work. Just my job. Lately the managers have been really shitty and either micro managing us or completely leaving us alone. I don't really mind being left alone (though that means one less much needed person isn't doing any work) but the newbies need them to order them around and explain what to do. So guess what happens? I have to help give them small jobs and explain how it's done. But I always feel bad doing it cause I feel like I'm bossing them around to much when I don't have the right to. But the problem is no one else is helping them and if no one does they just stand there doing nothing when there is way to much to do. 

So the managers hate me and the newbies probably will soon. Though I hope not. Even though they are four years younger than me, they are still nice and sweet to talk to. Especially when us older works corrupt their poor innocent minds when we talk about drugs or how to relate a banana to a... Well you get the point.

The only bright side to work (other than the money of course) is that I have my boyfriend and my best friend working there with me. Or should I say suffering there with me. Work would suck much more without them. But seriously what are the managers doing? They have way too many staff on rainy days and too little staff on sunny days (like today where I took almost all the good out on my own. Ad let me tell you that is 300 people or more for the amount of hours I was there. 

Now that I have had my random middle of the night rant about work, maybe I can finally get some peace and sleep. Because my friends are coming over tomorrow who I haven't seen in months because they have been away at uni.

Goodnight (or morning or afternoon depending on when you are reading this).

-Random Girl xxxx

Emotional Support

So if you are reading this and have read some of my other posts you might know that I recently got into a relationship for the first time in my life. Not a petty little year 9 relationship but a serious one. Sure 18 (now 19) was a bit late but oh well. Anyway back to the point. So I'm still new to a lot of things when it comes to being part of a couple and having a boyfriend. And in the last 24 hours I learnt a few new things that I thought I would share with you.

Last night I was just chilling at home with my boyfriend when mum comes home, ordering me around. I was already annoyed at her for being very controlling about my life so I stood up to her (for once). This led to a long argument that you don't really need to know the details (for now). So whilst I was arguing in the kitchen with mum I left my boyfriend in the sitting room. After arguing I basically broke down in front of him which was very embarrassing for me because he has never seen me cry. Not many people have. I was worried about what he would think of me. That I was pathetic. But instead he just spent the whole time holding me and comforting me. Just trying to make jokes to make me laugh. We had recently been saying "I love you" but it was the first time I actually knew for sure that I loved him. Hear I am a crying mess with a lot of family problems and he just tells me that he is annoyed because I still look cute when I'm crying and that he loves me. It was just such a strange concept for me to have that kind of level of support from someone when I was arguing with someone I was so close to. I said I was sorry he had to be there to witness my drama and he said he was glad that he was there so he could hold me and cheer me up.

Anyway, today he was working (at the same pub I do) and came back to mine briefly as it is practically next door to work. He was very mad because he has an awful day where the customers were rude and our boss was being a dick. And I just didn't know what to do other than listen to him rant about his day. And it sucked. I wanted to do more. To cheer him up. Make him feel happy. It was so strange to feel bad because he felt bad.  I felt awful that he had to go home (because it was late and he needed food and sleep) before I could do anything to make him feel better. I wanted to be there for him and didn't know how. It's not just a bad day at work. It has been a recurring thing and he isn't really sure what he is doing job wise right now.

I guess what I'm trying to say is emotionally supporting someone is one of the most amazing parts of being in a relationship. As cheesy as it sounds, being there for the bad parts is what matters. But it also sucks when you need to be there for someone and don't know how. 

-Random Girl xxx

A Busy Random Girl

Hey everyone! Sorry its been a little while. But really, did anyone actually believe my good streak was going to last that long? To be fair, life has never been more busy. I have had university applications to deal with, my parents have been harassing me a lot, I had a whole lot of mock exams, went out with my friends a few times and obviously spent time with the boyfriend. So yeah, extremely busy. Mocks are over and Easter is quickly approaching. It is going to suck cause I am busy with work and revision for my actual exams, but I am also very excited to have all my uni friends come home! Yay.

Life has been really depressing and boring other than my love life. School is hard, my bosses are being dickheads and most my friends are either hours away or out of the country. But at least I have someone to cheer me up when I get stressed out. The next three months are going to be tough. And the worst part is that I want to cherish the last few months I have at home before I leave for university but i'm too busy to notice.

So there is a little update on how my life is a little overloaded. Will try and write a proper post soon, but no promises!

-Random Girl xx

19th Birthday

So today is my birthday in case you couldn't tell from the title. And once again, just like last year, I write this whilst a little bit drunk. So hows it going so far? well its different. Mum has missed it for the first time ever. So there are missing touches like decorations and i have to actually plan it myself this year. As usual there is mocks on which suck. Had a three hour exam today and one tomorrow which I already know I won't revise for. Dad ends up being on the phone and an hour late to pick me and my brother up and my usual lift is busy with his friends. So what do I do? get my boyfriend to come and rescue me and go drinking in my favourite restaurant as I wait. Problem is my brother is underage so I have to order a cocktail and a chocolate milkshake at the bar. A bit awkward but oh well. So yeah my birthday is definitely different than my usual one. It is also my last one at home before I go to uni and my last year of being a teenager. Not sure what I am going to do with the title once I hit twenty. Oh and my phone died so I am awkwardly drinking with my brother in a restaurant whilst on my laptop. I think the alcohol has hit me already. Thats shit. When did I become a lightweight? instead of planning out what I am going to write I am literally typing what words come to mind which is a little weird. And I'm sure I won't check this before I post so sorry about errors and stuff. But I am so brain dead after my exam that I just don't care anymore. At least I have a lot to look forward to. Not doing anything major as I have an exam tomorrow but getting all my closest friends, family and neighbours over. My first party that has people of all ages which is interesting. Is it weird that I have more teenage boys over than girls? Anyway, gotta go. Sorry about my drunk rambling.

- Random Girl xxxx

In Love?

So what exactly is love? I'm never been in love so I have no idea. But I think I'm falling in love. Is that ridiculous? To think that you could be in love with someone after only going out a few weeks. I mean we planned on breaking up in a few months when I go to uni. But I think deep down that I can't go through with it. But don't know what that means though. I don't think it will stop me from leaving but I don't think I can end the relationship either. I'm at the point where I think he will have to do it. And I have a feeling that he will struggle to. So what the hell are we meant to do? I feel like I would be an idiot for not leaving because of him. But when we aren't together I miss him all the time. He is the first one I think about when I go to bed and the last when I go to sleep. And it couldn't be worse timing. This is the moment when I should be free and single to travel and start university but I just can't help it. He used to ask me quite often why I haven't been in a relationship before. And I guess I haven't ever met the right person. But now that I have it just makes it that much harder to end things. But then again maybe I am just being naive. Maybe we haven't been together enough to find any faults in each other. Because so far everything that people would consider annoying I just find funny. It's just the little things I love about him that make me question whether I might already be falling for him. So maybe I'm not in love with him yet but I definitely don't think it will be long. And it is completely out of my control. 

-Random Girl xxx

The Awkward Teenage Years

So as you guys can probably guess by my blog title that I am a teenager. But what does that mean exactly? I mean sure it is the age when you have teen at the end. But it is also an age category that is somewhere between a child and an adult. It is the age where we change the most in our lives. Not just physically but emotionally and personality wise to. And it is a hard time for everyone. There is the awkward stage at the beginning where you try to act grown up but really you are just a child. Which means the few extra years you have left to enjoy being a kid, you are too busy pretending to be cool. But then a few years later, you regret it when you think back. Then there is the whole awkward stage where you change physically and you try to hide some parts from everyone to keep yourself from getting embarrassed and show off other stuff. It is a very nerve wrecking time for a lot of teenagers. You are at the awkward in between stage of childhood and adulthood.

Then there is the point when peer pressure kicks in. You want to go to parties, drink, smoke, hook up with people. And most the time its not even because you want to but because that is what is considered normal. Because that is what everyone is doing. You get pressured into trying these things when you rather be somewhere eating ice cream and watching random movies. But then eventually, the more you try these things the more you do begin to enjoy them. Some of them at least. And no there is nothing wrong with that. But i'm pretty sure most people's parents are not happy with it and have some say in what you do and don't do.

And then there is the last stage. My stage. Right at the end of your teens. When you here the word teenager, you still tend to think of them/us as kids. Just bigger. But still relying on parents to buy you things and tell you what to do. When you are eighteen you are legally considered an adult. And the law allows you to basically do what you want. But still being stuck in the 'teen category' prevents you from doing that. We are meant to be learning to be independent and get on with our life. Go to university. But it can be difficult when you are still seen as a child.

Why am I talking about this? Well because I have had to conversations today that have made me question how I am meant to be treated. As a child, or an adult? The first conversation was with my mum. About sex. Yes, an awkward topic. But anyway, I kept feeling like she was trying to prevent me from having sex. But surely at the end of the day, it is my decision to do it. It isn't in her control. And it took a while for me to get through to her that only I will know when I am ready and she can't stop me. Well not just can't. She shouldn't feel the need to. I mean its a normal thing. It isn't like I'm planning on breaking the law. And the second conversation I had today was more of an argument than a conversation. With my dad. Just the usual family dinner that gets ruined in a matter of seconds. Where I start talking and my dad starts yelling and interrupting me for no reason. And I tell him to stop interrupting and to listen to what I am trying to say, and he gets even more mad. He will then tell me that he doesn't want me speaking to him that way. What a hypocrite, right? He was being disrespectful of me but because i'm the daughter. The 'teenager'. I am apparently automatically in the wrong. Just because I am young doesn't mean I don't know whats right and wrong. Which is something both my parents didn't seem to understand. I try to do my best to be independent, work to pay for my own things. Make my own decisions. But no matter what I do, it won't change the fact that I am just a 'teenager'.

I guess what I am trying to say, is that people treat all teenagers the same. Because we are supposedly in the same category. But really people couldn't be more wrong. There are many very different important stages in our lives during our teenage years and we should be treated differently according to those stages. Being a thirteen year old playing grown up isn't the same as a sixteen year old trying new things, which isn't the same as an eighteen year old who is trying to be independent but is still being seen as that thirteen year old playing grown up. Well I'm not playing anymore. And I think people need to see that. Sure, I am still young and I will probably make mistakes. But they are now mine to make and learn from. Not something a parent can fix. I might be a teenager but I am also an adult.

-Random Girl xxx