End of 1st Year

Sorry it has been so long. In my defence I was very busy with final assignments, exams, moving and work. On the bright side I got a 2:1 this year and an A in my accounting and finance exam :) 

So what is happening? Honestly not a lot. I'm trying to work hard and save money for next year but this week my shifts keep getting cancelled so I'm not earning any money. Which is really annoying me. You would think I would be happy with the free time but I'm just so bored. And I want money :p at least I have a second job soon but it's only 10 hours a week. At this rate I'm gonna need a third job that isn't affected so much by the weather. 

I'm still happy in a relationship. There was a rocky three days but things are improving and have been making up a lot ;) 

So I think what I need is a hobby. I used to love writing but I now struggle to come up with anything. Which is annoying because it would be the perfect thing to do with my alone time and I found out about a publishing company but would either need to "spice up" my old stuff or write something you. But can't think of anything to write. 

What else... My grandma and aunt are visiting. I love them but they are driving me a little crazy. They just don't leave you alone. And they took my newly finished room so I'm stuck in the spare room on a rock hard bed so I haven't slept in 4 days. 

I also visited my old school with my best friend because we got invited to talk to my brothers year about university. Which led to her and all my old teachers deciding that I should be a teacher. Which I am actually considering. But I would probably do it like 5-10 years after I graduate. 

So now I'm just chilling in bed yet again trying to work out how I am going to spend my day instead of working. 

Any suggestions?

-Random Girl xx

University Week 5 (first month)

Hey everyone! So uni has been interesting to say the least. Most of it good and some of it bad. So for those of you who haven't been at uni, this what the first few weeks are like. Or at least for me.

When I first arrived, I found it really easy. There is just some sort of confidence in knowing that everyone is exactly like you,  not knowing anyone. It's easy to just go up to people and start talking because you know they don't really have anyone else to talk to anyway. The first night I just went out with my flatmates and got to know them. Then one day I decided to randomly explore my accommodation and try and meet people, convincing the rest of my flatmates to come with. That's when we met the flat directly below us and we have all been friends since. Our two flats plus a few extras now get together regularly for pres or to hang out.

So finding friends where I live was easy. What I didn't expect to be difficult was finding course friends. I have two of my flatmates with me for my business half but when it comes to the media half I haven't really met anyone I like. By the time actual lectures started everyone already had their friends and that confidence was gone. It became a lot harder to talk to people and when you did there was no expectation of being friends. I still hope that I might make some eventually.

What else should I mention? The work?

Well that has been pretty damn boring. I either don't understand it at all or I already know it. Lectures have because pointless thanks to the Internet and having all the information on the Internet. It's especially hard when you have lectures from 9am to 7pm an hour away from where you live every Monday. I usually pick one or two things to go to.

Readings and assignments have been okay so far. Even without turning up to the lectures. However that doesn't stop the whole new kind of dread for Mondays.

Because of my horrific Monday's I have the rest of the week free except two hours on Thursday mornings. So that's a plus. What do I do in all this time? Well there always seems to be something to do. Laundry, cleaning the bathroom, the bedroom, the kitchen, uni work, shopping for food, cooking three meals a day, talking to flatmates, skyping old friends, visits or visiting my boyfriend, or going to London like I am right now :) Oh and let's not forget Netflix. There is always something to do or somewhere to be. Uni is busy.

So that's my first month of uni. Anyone else have stories to share or questions to ask?

-Random Girl x

University Week 0 (aka Freshers)

Hey everyone! So I am very sorry that I haven't posted. Yes again. But I have a good excuse this time, I promise. I finally made it to uni! I moved up here, spent two days unpacking, and then had a week of induction talks and going out.

So lets start of with my flatmates because you need to have a rough idea of who they are if I talk about them in future posts. First I met David. He is the only boy in our flat, and an Irish cricket plater. He was really nice and helpful when moving in because he helped bring all my stuff up three flights of stairs. Then there is Kat. Who has happened to be my friend for six years. It was a complete coincidence to be in the same flat together. Then there is Liv who is really nice, even though she forced me to go ice skating with her and I injured my shoulder. But at least she took me to A&E. And last is Anabelle who is the girliest in our flat. To be honest she spends more time downstairs than with us but she's cool. Just leaves behind a trail of mess every so often.

There isn't much more to say other than going out and meeting people. But will keep you updated. Or I will at least try.

Hope all the freshers out there are having a good time!

-Random Girl x

A Level Results and University Confirmations

HEY! So I have been crazy busy. So I am extremely sorry about not posting. So 18th of August is the dreaded day. Basically doomsday for everyone finishing A Levels as it basically determines our future. It tells us if the last two years (or three in my case) of our lives was actually worth anything. I has nightmares the night before for the entire night about everything that could have gone wrong. Not getting the grades I need to get into university or not understanding what my results are.

So the morning of the 18th, I wake up at about 7:30am which is half an hour until the official release of results. So after taking care of business (brushing my teeth etc) I open my school email, my normal email and my UCAS track all next to each other for me to clearly see. And there on UCAS was my confirmation letter from my university announcing I had achieved my results and got in. I couldn't believe it. I didn't even know what I had gotten yet and I knew I was in. I actually made it. My reaction was a mixture of crying in my bed and jumping up and down, screaming at my parents.

For me this was a huge achievement because I am really bad at exams, had two surgeries and got told by a million teachers that they never expected me to be able to get into university. So the odds were against me to say the least. For someone who was predicted three C's, eventually finding out I got three B's felt pretty amazing. The fact that I managed to prove everyone wrong just felt incredible.

I then find out that out of 10,000 people, my best friend and I have ended up in the same flat together. Which is a huge coincidence too.

So yeah its been crazy. Been sorting out accommodation, paying deposits, enrolling online, buying freshers tickets, stalking Facebook for my new flatmates and buying stuff. Still have a lot more to do between now and when I leave on the 16th of August but will try my best to post at least a few times.

Thank you to everyone who has been reading my blog for the last month even though I haven't posted anything. Love you all! Please feel free to comment.

- Lots of Love, Random Girl xxx

Family Flaws

Does anyone else find that their parents are acting weirder and weirder the closer you get to going away to university? Is it normal? My parents are just putting a ridiculous amount of pressure on me to work hard. It doesn't matter than I spend about six hours or more a day revising and that I am getting A's for the first time ever in nearly everything. They say I apparently do nothing but watch tv and go out when I spend all my time actually revising. It just seems like no matter what I do they are never proud of me. They just point out everything that I have done wrong instead of congratulate me on what I have done well in. 

I had a huge argument with my mum yesterday and she has basically constantly attacked me ever since. But for months she has just been tougher on me and making me more and more depressed. I am just always sad and in a bad mood. If it wasn't for the fact that I don't want to completely lose my relationship with my parents (and that they are paying for some of my uni next year because my loan doesn't cover it all) then I would have probably moved out by now. 

It seems dramatic but they just make me so unhappy. And it is sad to think that I would be happier without them. All they do is make me cry when I am already stressed enough as it is with exams starting in just over a week. How is it fair that I have to be sad when I work so hard? And that it is my own family that is causing it.

I thought it was just these last few months that they have changed. Or even that I have changed. But I am slowly realising things as I look back at my life. Just about how naive I was. I come from a well off enough family, gone to private schools, lived on a boat and I'm even a little bit spoilt. It sounds good on paper right? Or in this case your screen. But having all that stuff doesn't make you happy. Life is about so much more than that.

I realised today that the last happy memories I have with my dad was from when I was about seven. I am nineteen and still live with him. It shouldn't be this long. But he is always working. Mum says that he is just doing it to provide for us and give us what we have. But I would take him being happy and smiling, spending time with me over a bunch of fancy crap any day. It is almost like he is a completely different person. 

Then there is my mum. Who I was always so grateful for looking after me when I was sick. But that kind of blinded me from what she is like as a person. She uses everything she has done for me as a way to guilt me into doing stuff for her. She constantly orders me around, controls what I do. Basically my life worked around hers so she could do what she wants and I had to make it work for her. I think that might be why she is so mad at me now. Because for the first time in my life I am living my life the way I want to. Not the way she wants. She believes she is always right and that there is a double standard about everything. When I go out she says we need to spend time as a family, when I ask to do something together, every single time she tells me she is busy or going out. It is basically her way or.. well her way.

I think I am just becoming more miserable as days go past because I am realising that what I thought was a pretty good family is basically broken. None of us are truly happy with our lives. We don't spend time together. We pay attention to more superficial stuff than what really matters. And that sucks.

So I promise myself today, it doesn't matter if I have a fancy house, send kids to private school, have all the latest stuff. As long as I have a family I love, and who loves me. As long as I go out and see the world for what it is. As long as I do what I want with my life. I will be happy. And I will never let myself become as miserable as my parents.

-Random Girl xx

Ten Things to Look Forward to at University

So I have been thinking a lot about the future lately. Not super far, just the next few years. And I am excited but a little sad too. So if you read this blog regularly you will know that I should be going to university in a few months. And yes I have thought a lot about having the freedom to do what I want, go out when I want and be far from home. But there are lots of little simple things that I have only just realised that has made me really excited about going. Here is a little list-

1. I can wear whatever the hell I want! I am way to excited about this one. After having to wear school uniform for years and then sixth form clothes, I am thrilled to be allowed to wear jeans and a T-shirt every day. Hmmm... may need to buy more clothes. Shopping trip anyone?
2. Go out whenever I want to. No long lectures from mum or curfews.
3. Eat whatever I want. I get to choose what I fancy everyday. However, I may just end up forgetting to eat. Whoops.
4. Buying duvet covers and cutlery. Will be cool to have new bedding and have my own cutlery. 
5. Living in a new place. After living in the countryside for the last six years, living in the city will be different. Especially without my family.
6. Making new friends. I actually can't wait to meet new people in halls and have a bunch of new friends around all the time. This year all my friends are far away so having some close will be nice.
7. Living walking distance from my best friend. We have been living hours away from each other for the last two years and now we can see each other whenever I want.
8. New Stationary! because who doesn't love the smell of fresh paper and new coloured pens.
9. New subject to study. I am actually looking forward to learning new things. Especially because its mostly coursework based and not exams. God I hate exams.
10. Making new memories. Yes, I can be cheesy too.

So there you have it. My list of things I look forward to doing in September. Will probably have a post coming up about my plans for summer soon.

-Random Girl xx

Things Working Themselves Out

I'm not really sure where to start with this post. To be honest I am not really sure what it is about yet. So I will just write down whatever comes to mind. Today has been a good day. Maybe even an amazing day. What happened to the crazy stressed girl from a few days ago who was an emotional mess? Well I took a break. I feel slightly guilty than I spend time relaxing and having fun instead of doing work. But actually, I think I benefited more from having a rest than I would have from the extra hours of revision. I have been working myself to the ground lately. There was just too much going on all the time and it was exhausting. There is still too much going on but now I feel calmer and a little bit more prepared for the next lot of crazy to occur. I think I was too busy trying to control everything around me, that I forgot one of the things I always tell myself. Kind of like a mantra. Things work themselves out in the end. Sure not always the way you want it to. But a lot of the time you just have to let life take its course and accept what it is given to you rather than control everything.

Three days ago, I was emotional and stressed, dealing with summer trip plans, work, revision, my boyfriend, student finance and my mum. I wanted to fix all my problems at once. Instead, I stopped all of them. Just for a day. I slept. Watched TV. Had a nap. And by the time I woke up, one of those things had been sorted. My flights were booked. My relationship with my mum (which has been very strained these last few months) was slowly repairing itself, and I had an amazing evening with my boyfriend. Sure, I still need to revise which I spent the last four hours doing. And I need to sort out student finance. But there is just the slightest weight of my shoulders which makes all the difference. I already feel more relaxed and happier than I have for weeks.

I have been too busy thinking about all the things that need to be done by the end of the school year, that I forgot about all the amazing things I have to look forward to. Going travelling, spending the summer with my old friends (and hopefully my boyfriend if we are still together then), spending time with my family (probably on the boat) and then going off to university with my best friend. I need to have something to focus on that makes me happy. A goal rather than worrying about how I get there. I need to trust myself that I can do it all as long as I am happy along the way. Because what is the point if i'm living a miserable life.

Anyway there is my random rant. If anyone has been going through anything similar (which is probably likely if you are finishing off school this year too.) then feel free to comment with your experiences. Or don't. Up to you.

-Random Girl xxx

A Busy Random Girl

Hey everyone! Sorry its been a little while. But really, did anyone actually believe my good streak was going to last that long? To be fair, life has never been more busy. I have had university applications to deal with, my parents have been harassing me a lot, I had a whole lot of mock exams, went out with my friends a few times and obviously spent time with the boyfriend. So yeah, extremely busy. Mocks are over and Easter is quickly approaching. It is going to suck cause I am busy with work and revision for my actual exams, but I am also very excited to have all my uni friends come home! Yay.

Life has been really depressing and boring other than my love life. School is hard, my bosses are being dickheads and most my friends are either hours away or out of the country. But at least I have someone to cheer me up when I get stressed out. The next three months are going to be tough. And the worst part is that I want to cherish the last few months I have at home before I leave for university but i'm too busy to notice.

So there is a little update on how my life is a little overloaded. Will try and write a proper post soon, but no promises!

-Random Girl xx

5 OUT OF 5 UNIVERSITY OFFERS!

Oh my god, I am way to excited. Just found out I got offered a place at every university I applied to! I mean sure some of them aren't exactly hard to get into but for me this is huge! It is slowly starting to get more real that I am actually going somewhere in 8 months. It will be a whole new life. And now I have five options as to where I want to go. Now I am at the stage where I am going to have to worry about student loans, and accommodation. And reply to all of them. It is getting scarier and scarier as I go through each step but also just as exciting too. But sometimes I worry about how I am going to cope away from home, when there will be people I am leaving behind. My family. We have always been extremely close, and I almost think it will be harder for my mum than for me to see me go. Yet I can't wait. Well I say that, and part of it is true. But another thing that is changing is that the closer I get to my future, the more attached I am becoming to things at home. The people, my job, even the school. (It's a miracle, I know). It just makes it that much harder for me when I have to leave. But at least it will always be here for me to come back to.

- Random Girl xxx

Uni Offers!

I am so excited! Just found out that I got an offer from my favourite university! Well there and another one. So I have three out of five offers so far. Pretty good for a girl who sucks at school. Step one has been a success. Next Step, Pass my exams! Now that will be more of a challenge, but now I at least have something to work towards. So wish me luck everyone!

- A very excited Random Girl xxx

6 Months, 2 Weeks and 3 Days

So I have done a pretty poor job of blogging. I have had this blog for almost a year and you would think that by now I would know what I was going and what to write about. Well I don't. But that pretty much explains my life. I just pretend I know what I am doing until I hopefully figure it out. I just go along with everyones plans and tweak it here and there but I don't really make any of my own decisions. Like some sort of puppet. I have different people pulling my stings and telling me what to do, what to say, what to think. The only thing they don't control is what I say on here. By not allowing anyone to know I blog, it gives me the power and freedom to say how I feel without the strings tugging at my mind. I am free.

But shouldn't life always be like that? Why do I have to keep secrets and lie in order to be who I am without judgement? Well, I guess you guys are probably judging me but I don't know who you are and you don't know who I am so that doesn't bug me much. It is when the people I care about that judge me, and those people who hurt me.

My teachers see me as a girl who will probably fail. Again. And that I am just being over hopeful about the possibility of going to University. They just go along with this act because they are paid to. Not because they care about my accomplishments. They all have very low expectations of me which in turn gives me low expectations of myself. They don't believe that I will pass and I will do my best to prove them wrong. And myself. Just like I always try to do. And sometimes I do prove them wrong. But when I do I don't get the reaction I want. Even though they are surprised they just want me to do better. Because what I achieve will never be good enough.

Then there is my friends. I can easily split all my friends into two categories. The ones from school who I see all the time, talk to all the time, and think they know me when they don't. And the ones who are now gone. At a stage of their lives which I have not got to yet. The people I thought I didn't fit in with but strangely enough the longer we are apart the closer I feel to them. Like family. When they were here I never felt that way. I thought they were just my friends from school for the time being. But now they mean a lot more to me than that. I love them. They are family to me. And I don't tell many people I love them. In fact I never used the word until about a year ago. Sometimes I feel like they are the only people who accept me for who I am and let me be who I want to be. At school, my friends are always deciding things for me. And they have an image of what they think I am like and I end up becoming that. They think they know who I am and I just let them. What is the point in arguing with them if they won't ever believe me. They say I do things I haven't and feel things I don't.  And that is the truth. Their truth. Not mine. But what is the difference really?

And of course there is the main two puppeteers of my life. My parents. And just like every teenager, I am going to whine about them to. They have expectations of me which I have not ever wanted to achieve. They have this perfect little image of me getting good grades, being talented, going to university, getting a good job and having a stable life and family. I don't want that. Not for a while at least. I want to see the world, discover new things, discover who I am. I don't mind if I don't exactly have a stable lifestyle and a lot of money. As long as I am happy. Because that is all I want. My parents order me around and guilt me into things which is how they control my actions and emotions.

I want to be myself. I want to be honest. I want to stand up for what I believe in. I want to have fun. I want to be proud of what I have accomplished without being put down for it. I want to see and discover everything. I want to know who I am. I want to live. Live a life that is my own. And I guess I will eventually. It will just take 6 months, 2 weeks and 3 days. And then I will be free.