World Gone Mad

Hey guys! I am extremely bored lately. I have been hauled up in my room alone for weeks with no one to talk to. Even my own mother left me alone to go to Colombia to see her mum. Meanwhile everyone else has gone crazy. Exams can do that to a person. Everyone gets so wrapped up in them that then become needy, selfish and even mean. Everyone gets distracted by exams and forgets that you are going through the same thing to. Instead of working together and helping each other through it, they yell and complain about all their problems, not bothering to ask you about your problems. For example a lot of people keep telling me that they have a lot more going on than me and that their exams are more important than mine. That, I have to disagree with. Don't get me wrong, I don't think my problems are worse or more important than theirs. They are the same to me, as their problems are to them. At least they get to finish school after this. They get to leave which was something I have been trying to do since I got here. Something they like to remind me daily. Which just about kills me. I hate it so much that it has nearly caused me to cry a few times. Not that they noticed. I would go and ignore them for days, distracting myself and pretend that I am not miserable. They are probably relieved that I am not talking all the time and irritating them instead of wondering if something is wrong.

Everyone I know has a purpose. An aim, an objective or some sort of goal. I don't even know where I am going to be next year. I could still be at school, which is what most people expect. I could be doing some sort of course somewhere else. I could be backpacking across America for all I know. Not that I think mum would let me. The point is that I am not jealous over the fact that they are all leaving me behind and will probably forget about me, leaving me completely and utterly alone. It is that they get to start their lives. They get to move on and actually do something meaningful. They may not all know exactly what they want to do. But at least they know for the near future. More than than I have. I don't even know what I am doing tomorrow, let alone next year. And I would give anything to know. Because not knowing is killing me inside. To the point where I have cried myself to sleep at night. Not that anyone cares. I am not their problem because they get to leave. I am just that friend they hung out with at school.

So whilst the world may not be going mad, just moving on, I am stuck. Unable to move on. You may think I am being over dramatic. I mean it is only one year. But it's not. Because what I do next year could define my life. I could be a school drop out with barely any qualifications and never get a job and fail at life. I could continue school and have an amazing year, or a miserable year all alone. No one knows. But I sure wish I did. Or at least had someone to help me figure it out.

For any of you who are also stuck in life, unable to decide what to move on to next, I hope you figure it out. Good luck to you.

- Random Girl xxx