Shitty Mood

So I am kind of in a shitty mood. And I don't know why but I have felt like this every evening for the past week. My boyfriend is always at work in the evenings, my friends are away, busy or I can't get to them (because I can't drive), my parents are out every single night and my brother just hides in his room ignoring me. So basically I spend every night alone and it sucks. Either no one wants to spend time with me or they are too busy. But either way the outcome is the same. I'm alone. Not just alone but lonely. I don't always have someone to talk to hence why I am writing about it instead. Because for some reason it always makes me feel better to get it out onto words. Even if I don't get comments or responses. Because that was never what my blog was about. It was about writing how I feel. For me.

Lately life feels a bit like an emotional rollercoaster. I am either extremely happy and in a good mood or I am miserable and feel close to crying. I have had some amazing times lately, like being in love for the first time, making new friends and finally finishing school. And there have also been some not so great times, constantly arguing with my parents, my mum basically acting like i'm a stranger, refusing to let me grow up, having a shitty boss at work, being close to failing one of my exams which I only barely need to pass to get into university and a few medical issues which I don't really feel like talking about. Though those issues may be why I feel so weird lately because I was told I would get mood swings for a few weeks. And no I am not pregnant if that is what you are thinking.

It is hard to distract myself when I am alone when I know I need to revise. Because lets face it. Revision is boring so people's minds drift a lot which is the whole reason I stopped to blog instead. I was so distracted by my thoughts that I started writing something completely different than I was meant to so I gave up. For now.

So what was I distracted by? Well my idiot boyfriend basically dragged me off the sofa and I ended up hurting my whole side because I landed on hard wooden floor which hard objects beneath me and a 24 year old on top of me. Not to mention it was the side where I have a lot of previous injuries. So now my whole side hurts and aches. And because I have a stupid built up tolerance to pain meds I have to take this ridiculously strong one which is only a step down from the ones you get given after surgeries. And my body is still hurting because they take ages to work. Anyway the reason my mind keeps drifting off afterwards was because he was starting to act like a bit of a dick to me afterwards like I was the one who did something wrong. He just said he was tired and annoyed that he had to go to work but something felt off. Plus I was annoyed at him for causing me to be in pain when I need to revise and he didn't seem to even care he hurt me. Coming from the guy who always looks so sad when I'm a clutz who accidentally hurt herself or if he accidentally steps on me or something. It is just weird because we didn't even argue or anything but we have never fought before. And I don't know why I am so annoyed at him.

Then of course when you start thinking about one shitty thing when alone your mind wonders to other things. Mostly I then thought about how he left me to go to work. And then my parents decided to go out. Again. So it was another night alone. I am just so fed up of having no one to spend time with and always being alone to cook myself dinner, find myself something to do and then going to bed alone yet again. This has been going on for ages now but this week has been particularly bad. I can't remember the last family dinner I had, or a night out with friends, or a dinner date. It is just me and my idiot cat who keeps sitting on all my text books.

So anyway, that is my random rambling rant.

- Random Girl xx